Siempre, always or forever. This is a word dear to my heart. Te amo siempre. I’ll love you forever. When those words come from my kids, they mean everything to me, unconditional.
It’s been said that single mothers are bitter, that they are angry all the time. I’m sure some are. I’m also sure that I know where their anger is directed.
I look around where I live. I see so many single moms. Many have alarming numbers of children. When birth control is $3.00 a month there is no excuse to bring more mouths into the world that you cannot possibly feed nor educate. For heaven’s sake, that’s about the price of a Jumbo beer! I don’t know that they are bitter here. They love children so much as a gift from God that I don’t see the same kinds of bitterness. Yes, they are somewhat disillusioned in the men of this country, but lol, that is normal for all countries when you are in the single mom situation. Here they have something we don’t have in my experience in Canada. Here, they value the family. Here there is extended family. Here it is clear that the community raises the children.
The too, there are those that simply choose to abandon there children, like little Hilary that I met a couple years back. Her mother was a prostitute and left her with the pastora to never return. I think of this precious little girl almost every day.
As a single parent, am I bitter? I’ve had to reflect on that a bit. No I am not bitter. I remain however, angry as hell at my kids sperm donor. Certainly cannot call him a father. I wish that we had had the same familial and community advantages that I see evidenced here. Our life has hardened me. My edges are just not as smooth as they should be.
Every day that I had a sick kid, I cursed the ex that walked out on us and never returned. I cursed not having reliable backup. I cursed being made to feel that I would lose my job because I would have to stay home with my kid(s). And then … I would get their little germs. Double whammy!
I curse having had to be the only one to wipe their tears. To have to fight all the battles alone on their behalf. Because, as a single mom, your children are also devalued by society and that, I would and will NEVER allow.
All other “stuff” was good, great, or ok.
I never signed up for being a single parent. I signed on as a duo. I didn’t leave because I couldn’t handle being a parent, he did. He never even showed up for the divorce hearing. I did sue for maintenance which I won. When I was summoned to court for him to be released from his obligation, he didn’t show. My youngest was extremely disappointed, she demanded being at the hearing. She had hoped to see her sperm donor. To tell him what she thought of him, of his absence … etc. It was so difficult to see her like this. Watching your children’s pain and being helpless to alleviate it, that is a feeling no parent should ever have to feel.
Being abandoned was not the worst. Having family and a community constantly criticize me and never speak a foul word about my ex. I shake my head. As though I were the monster that made my kids, kids from a single parent home.
Being abandoned had it’s benefits. We did as we pleased, we never had to wait for a visitation that never showed. We got to live life, and live it we did! We did stuff that most never dream of doing much less do it.
Yes, my ex abandoned us.
The difference between my being a single parent, and the single mom’s here is that I was able to provide a good life for my kids with or without a maintenance check. Here, though they have their families, extended families, and communities, they simply have no financial resources. Rarely do they have one child, more common is three and more. Pregnant women are a liability in the workforce. Like in Canada, unless they have a caregiver for their children, they can’t work. The complications are much the same. I, was just lucky.
So, when you see a single mom, regardless from what country, don’t criticize. Don’t push them down. Instead, give them a hand up. Sometimes, a simple, “you are doing a good job,” is all it takes to get them through the day!
Listen to the palms…
© Loca Gringa and https://locagringa.wordpress.com