This resembles one of those letters never sent. You know the ones. The ones you write in anger, get your frustrations out on paper, then never put the letter in the mail. Or these days, never click the send button on the e-mail. So the letter stays on the back burner, not smoldering or anything like that, just sitting. Eventually you throw it out or delete the draft. This has been sitting here as a draft for quite some time. Revise, revise, revise … oh how many times over these many many months? I’ve been wondering … to publish or not to publish, that has been the question. There’s a lot of good stuff in here along with the bad so I’ve decided to publish. What I may see as a good message, or what I don’t see, someone else may see as a good message. Therefore it’s gone to print.
We all have critics, not one of us escapes this measure of humanity. Positive critiques, constructive criticisms are abundant, thank you all for those. I have to say “YOU make my day!” I write from the heart with happiness or pain, some fact, some fiction, some whimsy, a little fun, and it’s all good! So those of you that praise me for my writing, and those of you that praise me for my person, THANK YOU! Especially those of you that praise me as a person. I’ld never make it through life in the same manner without you!
Then there are the negative, the world’s YING and YANG. Fortunately there are very few of those that can’t be dealt with or learned from. Whether professional or personal, regardless what is negatively critiqued, it makes little difference in the grand scheme of things. Blah, blah … blah blah blah … life is what it is. My life is what it is and was what it was.
I live my life to my specifications. I don’t appreciate interference and underhanded manipulation, I’m a big girl. And I don’t appreciate people that think they know what’s best for me as if I don’t have half a brain. I would certainly rather see them “maintaining their own garden,” as it were. Sure I make mistakes en route, but at some point, I always take ownership of them, learn from them, and move on. Sometimes it takes a little longer than others to take that ownership, but it eventually comes along. Taking ownership is a personal thing. People need to have that ability, take ownership, forgive themselves, FORGET, DIS-ASSOCIATE, and FORGE ON with life. I look back on my errors, only I know for certain the depth and breadth of those errors, and frankly they weren’t that bad. Not that anyone would ever dare ask me, so much easier to assume they know all. Believe me, I’ve heard ALL the whispers. My point, take care of your own back yard, clean out your own closets, you’ve enough of your own skeletons, they don’t need to be dancing with mine. Your opinions are not absolute!
After sorting through mountains of pain, it really is a blessing to be able to simply walk away and never look back. That whole Biblical, turn the other cheek thing, is certainly something to think about. It’s a little like my grandfather used to say, “If you go looking for problems, you’ll find them.” Grandpa used to say a lot of things. “The kid turns into a liar to cover up a mistake, the liar turns into a thief to cover up his lie, the thief turns into a murderer to cover up his thieving,” yup said a lot of things and most made good sense.
Just as the DEL key on my laptop has no problem deleting script, I have no problem deleting people from my life. Again that’s all about choices, you can’t chose your family but you can chose your friends, or not! And you can chose whether or not to keep family in your life as well. Yea, my fam is stuck with me 🙂 … at least some of them! At least, that’s what I tell my daughters, the rest … adios as necessary.
This sounds cruel, sounds a little harsh, but when you think of it, in this day and age, people have really become disposable. They are disposable because they don’t want to put in effort, honesty and integrity, into maintaining relationships. Effort, in that, should never be one-sided. There are enough Energy Vampires in this life that there’s always another one right around the corner so there’s no need to hang on to the token Energy Vampire. Sure I could keep them around, stalk them a little in turn, but really … who does that drive nuts more? The stalker or the victim. So the Obsessive Compulsiveness that’s the drive behind the stalker, is it’s own issue, no OCD for me thanx. Nah … del … del … del. It’s so much easier to go through life without the temptation to “follow-up.” Goodbye to all the vampires. Bring on the positive energy! New slate on board!
Jejeje, not gonna lie, I openly admit to having been a vampire myself on occasion. And having been equally written off! Ah yes, opportunity for growth! I’m not sure when it happened, or how it happened, but there is sure something to be said about the search and finding inner peace. Meh, must be the heat! But it will feel good to feel my old self again. Selfie … happy! It’s been a long time coming. “One day soon!” she said eternally hopeful.
In some ways I’ve been finding myself royally blessed these days. In other ways the extreme opposite. I hurt like hell physically, damn this crappy body! Emotionally, there are many hurts that continue to heal, old wounds continue to be re-opened, but heal repeatedly. Opening my heart to new horizons quenches the spirit. Where one door closes, another opens, several open. Finding myself full frontal with amazing consequences of support for several recent and not-so recent events. These blessings have slapped me in the face so hard with their unexpectedness. I am dumbfounded! Over the years, I’ve come to expect the worst in people and they continue to deliver. However, to receive the utmost best! That is cataclysmic! You cannot help but soar inside. Of course reality has it that this won’t last, but I’ll enjoy the limited ride. And if it does last … woot woot!
For many many years I lived in isolation. It was good. I yearn for that tranquility! A couple months back I found myself in the countryside, away from the hustle and bustle of the city. I later remembered many years ago having the same feeling walking on the farm. No traffic, no pollution, no go go go go go, less personal safety risk and the simple quietness of it all. I realized, the city makes me very unhappy to live in, any sprawling metropolis makes me unhappy. To visit, yes that I like, but to live, there has to be better opportunities. How … the hell … … did I forget that?
My realization, my self-worth soaring a little with new found self-discovery, and my faith a little restored, my faith in myself and my faith in my few loves … I FORGE ON! DEL key at the ready, the process of elimination continues …
When one door closes … somewhere there’s a bluebird waiting for you out the open window! Or here, maybe a simple flower … a bird of paradise perhaps?
Listen to the palms…
© Loca Gringa and https://locagringa.wordpress.com