Vulnerabilities – A Musing

“Soon, the shadows will disappear, and you’ll be free to trust, to express your vulnerabilities, and to enjoy the clear view. You’re already on your way, mi amiga.”
~ Rewired and Retired in Nicaragua, Debbie and Ron

This was a lovely response to a previous blog article I wrote:

It’s amazing how accurate the words of others can be.  We look at our own lives not realizing at times that we are under a cloud.  Soon, with disappearing shadows the sun may shine.    Free to trust, to express my vulnerabilities …

Expressing vulnerabilities, is that the first step in trusting?  But, what are my own vulnerabilities?  Wow, that’s not that tough a question.  I think pain is my vulnerability.  Heartache, there’s another.  Wow, fear, there’s a good one.  What are the causes?  That’s easy to answer.  People are the cause.  People’s opinions shouldn’t matter, but the reality is they do to a certain extent, the extreme and for how long is relationship dependent.  People’s words and actions, those do matter.  What do you do with this new-found knowledge?  Voice out, “Hi, this is my heart I’m placing it in your care.  Please don’t trample it or crush it.  It is very fragile.”  I think that would only be effective if handed to good people.  But what about when they are not good people.  I’ve had plenty of those in my life.  I’m not only referring only to romantic situations, this covers all relationship situations from mere acquaintances to family.

Here’s a vulnerability realization, it’s not my past that makes me a pariah.  It’s people’s perception of my past that does.  Power perceived is power achieved, good, and bad.  I am a good person, always have been.  Like all, I fall off the wagon now and then, but I’m certainly not evil, I’m far too rigid.  Yes, I live my life to my specifications.  I don’t appreciate interference and manipulation, I’m a big girl.  And I don’t appreciate people that think they know what’s best for me as if I don’t have half a brain, rather than them “maintaining their own garden,” as it were.  Boy could I point a lot of fingers.  Sure I make mistakes en route, we all do, but at some point, I always take ownership of them, learn from them, and move on.  Without guilt.  Believe me, I’ve heard ALL the whispers over my lifetime.  My point, take care of your own back yard, clean out your own closets, you’ve enough of your own skeletons, they don’t need to be dancing with mine.  Your opinions are not absolute!  Besides, my skeletons dance Bachata, what do yours dance?

Express my vulnerabilities?  Always have, always will, and I’m sure to have them squashed a few more times in my life.  Imagine that!  Imagine, wanting only one thing in life, to “matter” to one non-related individual in a partnership capacity (had to clarify, for I matter to my daughters) … to matter for life … to be their priority … the ultimate vulnerability.  That’s what my heart wants.  The ultimate vulnerability.

What does my brain tell me?  “Guard your children, and for now be your own priority … and continue to hope that your heart gets what it wants, but don’t hold your breath.”

A man-friend recently told me, “you don’t need a man/husband/common-law, there is nothing you cannot do.”  This is in a way true, yes, I can do anything.  In another way, it is false, no, I do need the balance of a good man.   Just because I CAN do things, doesn’t mean that I should HAVE to do them.  There is great appreciation in the ability to be independent as a woman.  But, it is so much more enjoyable in life to share all the things that make a life.  His statement doesn’t take into account balance.    The pure enjoyment of sharing a balanced life and taking care of each other!

“Surround yourself with the dreamers and the doers, the believers and the thinkers, but most of all surround yourself with those who see greatness within you … even when you don’t see it yourself”  ~ Edmund Lee

My wish is, that I find, that we all find or retain, that partner that sees the greatness within us … and to “matter” to that other individual … that our ultimate vulnerabilities don’t get trampled … that we are allowed to live, and let live … and of course … world peace!

Listen to the palms…

~Loca Gringa

© Loca Gringa and


6 responses to “Vulnerabilities – A Musing

  1. Balance. Or just sharing as you do your separate things. Dean and I were total opposites. We lived together for nearly fifty years. We drove separate cars to the same event. We were partners in our concrete business. I did what I was good at doing and he did what he was good at doing. Total opposites sharing the same life for so very long. Neither of us felt that we were owed anything by the other. I never once felt constrained by the relationship. I felt that I had a support net under me. Dean saw something in me that I failed to see. He gave me courage.
    I wish the same for you. 🙂

    • George, that is beautiful! Thank you for sharing a little piece of Dean. You “mattered” to him. It’s so simple, balance and to matter. You can be as opposite as black and white, culturally diverse, but to matter to another person! That they see the best in us. With no constraints or owing! Those are huge. And more food for thought. I thank you for your wishes and may they reach God’s ears as an additional little prayer to my own.


  2. I agree with you. I CAN do anything I want by myself. But life – even travel – is better when I have someone to share it with. I am grateful I have that someone in my life. So here is another wish that you have the same 🙂

    • Thanx honey! That’s all we really need! I don’t care for material things, just the sharing! just the “mattering”… yup, that’s it, very simple.

  3. Wow!!!! Awesome post and so very true! I feel so warm and lovey in my heart and I am so grateful to have found your blog because you, my friend, write from your heart and have no fear of expressing your vulnerabilities. Living in Nicaragua and sharing our ‘weird’ lives with our local friends, I’ve discovered that they are always telling me how to do something..not because they think I’m stupid, but because they care. My neighbor grabbed my mop one day and showed me how to mop my floors “the right way”. lol I just laugh and thank them for their help because I know they want to be helpful. But, it cracks me up because my neighbors have a dirt floor and I don’t think they ever used a mop in their lives. Life is always full of surprises, when you least expect it, someone will pop into your life who will make you wonder, “How did I live without this person?” At least that’s what I told my son, after he had been burnt in many relationships. And it came true..when he least expected it…there she was. A friend once told me when I was frustratingly searching for arrowheads, ” You don’t find treasures, they find you.” Sure enough, I stopped searching and a beautiful tiny bird point arrowhead was laying at my feet. 🙂

    • Here’s to that arrow finding it’s way to my heart! I always think, gee I probably met the perfect-for-me soul mate at the dry cleaners, but I was too busy “bitchin” about the price of service and I didn’t notice him noticing me … lol

      Here’s to arrowheads, ladybugs, and butterfly kisses finding their way home!

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