In the midst of a love affair going bad, a friend once looked at me and said, “If your daughter was in this situation, what would you tell her?” I sat and thought about that for a moment. What would I tell her? The trouble with that question is, if she is anything like me, she also doesn’t divulge ALL of the information. What a situation is perceived as, though partially on base, it may also be a little or a lot off-base. Interestingly enough, that is exactly how it is with us. She’s in many ways my carbon copy.
I never disclose all my information. The reason being, my perception is often different that others. That is my own personal code. What another is not willing to accept, doesn’t make their views right for me. Quite frankly I also don’t want to hear the bitching from people whose opinions vary from my own. Not on my relationships, those, are mine!
Rarely is lack of disclosure related to self-worth. Am I the greatest thing since sliced bread? Oh hell no, I’m just average and I have no illusions about that. However, average to me, does not necessarily MEAN average. For example, I’ve always thought of myself, the B+ / A+ student, that I was only average. I’ve never thought that I was smart. Not until a teacher pointed out to me some facts on intelligence. Hmm, I guess I am smarter than the average bear. And that’s the same with my opinion of my self-worth. What is my “self” worth? Hmm, it’s worth being loved, not being abused, being cared for and about, and a multitude of other things. Everyone has variations and opinions on what they think those are. Those are personal desires if you will. Will that ever find me? Well, it hasn’t yet, but, never say never.
My love affair gone bad? Meh, it is what it is, another notch on the bedpost I guess. In the grand scheme of things, it was a decent run. My father once told me, “Take the good out of the relationship memories, throw the rest in the garbage and move on with life.” Occasionally he had wise words. I try to adapt these words to all relationships; deaths, loss of friends, loss of loves, loss of …. It seems to work for all of it.
As my kids age and I see them going through their own relationship battles, I only wish they would learn from my mistakes. Like everyone else, including yours truly, they think, “oh no, not me!” And then, “oh damn, me too?” I can guide them, let them know what I see as that information comes in and not 6 months down the road after more mistakes. I can’t make their choices anymore than anyone can make mine, but I can ensure that they work with all the information I can provide. Eventually they get smart. All I can do is be there for them, try to keep my mouth shut about the unimportant junk (HELLO what am I saying), and support them when needed. They have learned some from my mistakes, and that’s good. Jajaja, now, I need to learn from my mistakes too 😀 Or at least learn not to be conned by cupid’s evil twin. Damn those little arrows hurt anyway!
The message to my girls is, “Don’t settle, be everything for yourselves that you CAN be, shoot for the stars and hope you land on the moon!” I love you from hell to space! And THAT is PERFECTLY POPSICLE!
Am I bitter? Nope. My love-life is what it is. Do I forgive? Yup. I forgive for me, so that I can move forward. I refuse to cling to hate, and grief, and all the other negative bullshit. Take the good! Do I give second chances? Yup, and third and fourths … but not all the time.
Nope, love, unless it’s a resounding success over “x” period of time, whatever that is, remains unamusing. Living my life, on my terms, now that, is entertaining. Frankly, I like being a sola act and calling the shots!
Jejeje, sooooooooooo c’mon fella, whoever you are out there, amuse me 🙂
Listen to the palms…
© Loca Gringa and https://locagringa.wordpress.com